Self-Leadership Part 2: Tapping into The Wisdom of Your “Inner Operating System”
This posts builds on previous Reinvention Mandate posts here and here and Part 1 of this two part posting on Self leadership here. Thanks to Brian Jaudon and Guthrie Sayen for sharing their wisdom and insights!
We are living amidst a time of great upheaval, the Great Resignation is morphing into the Great Adaptation and the Great Negotiation and many people are not just asking what do I want my next job to be, but what is the life I want to live? Where? Doing what? With whom? If I were to reinvent, what is the life I would choose?
These questions are not new, they have been simmering under the surface for years, perhaps decades, but as we live life amidst the most disruptive decade of our lifetime, there is the beginning of what I believe is an awakening – that we need to build better – individually and collectively. Once we fully embrace this work, we are on the path of fully realizing our humanity and the human messiness that comes along with it.
When I took the Coaching for Self Leadership course by the IFS Institute, I was struck by how the IFS model welcomes our human messiness. Messiness that we often reject or avoid. For example, a part that might come up when you think about the life you want to live that says, “Who are you to say you want to work fewer hours? You are lazy. You have to work hard in order to be successful”. IFS does not pathologize our messiness, but rather helps us understand how all of our “parts” are well intentioned and that there is no such thing as bad parts, just parts that may be exhibiting extreme beliefs or behaviors. It encourages us to recognize these parts, be grateful for the role they play, and help them to work in harmony with our larger purpose.
To better understand how the IFS concept of Self leadership helps us navigate the messy and unpredictable path of human reinvention, I interviewed our course instructors, Brian Jaudon and Guthrie Sayen. The interviews were conducted separately and both Brian and Guthrie shared a number of key insights that pushed my thinking on the process of personal reinvention.
Edited responses follow along with my reflections:
What is the biggest challenge or obstacle you see people encounter when reinventing?
Brian: The biggest challenge is the standards we impose on ourselves on how we should go about [reinvention], where we should land, and how fast it should go. We impose false standards, definitions and timelines to reinvention that may or may not fit. This may hinder rather than support the process of reinvention. IFS helps us by revealing to us parts that carry concerns, fears or agendas that may have to do more with survival than our evolution or expansion.
Brian’s insight into our preconceived ideas and how these may hinder us, was reinforced and extended when I spoke to Guthrie,
Guthrie: The biggest challenge is internal, it’s rooted in fear, and in this culture probably involves shame. It’s not money, education, status, time, or any of the usual things. I’ve learned that everyone is on a hero’s journey – indeed one indicator that you’re getting close to what you should be doing is fear – because now you are stepping into who you truly are. The fear starts when you see how big the vision is, that it is much bigger than you imagined – and with that fear we also experience awe and humility.
In our research, we have also found that fear is a major obstacle. It often presents at a surface level and provides us with reasons to say, “No” to that which is calling us. For example, a fear that many of us have when reinventing is “I won’t be able to support myself financially if I were to go down this path”. Too often, those protective parts immediately help us close ourselves off from future possibilities.
In their responses to my next question, both Brian and Guthrie provided insights into how we might manage these feelings.
How might IFS help an individual navigate reinvention with greater ease?
Brian: The whole concept and practice of unblending [identifying the “parts” of our internal landscape] means that I am not so closely identified with my fears, beliefs, agenda or emotions. And If I’m not so attached or closely identified with those things, I can create space to just be and see where I feel called or inspired to be. In other words, we can be informed by our parts but not led by them. This is the essence of self leadership.
Guthrie: It’s incredibly simple. You invite those parts to unblend, to soften back, and then a sense of Self emerges. And Self is naturally calm, clear and confident, courageous and creative, compassionate and connecting. It all comes down to two things – safety and connection. If people feel safe enough, they are willing to connect. And we all want to connect.
We have identified similar ideas through our reinvention research, although our language is slightly different. When we interviewed people who had navigated reinvention with greater ease, they talked about recognizing their fears (not trying to ignore them or side step them), identifying what was a real concern and what was not a real concern, feeling compassion for themselves, identifying what was helpful about the fear, and trying out a series of experiments and baby steps as a means to explore options further.
In my next question, we looked at how it might be possible to use the IFS framework to accelerate the process of reinvention.
Is it possible to accelerate the reinvention process with a greater understanding of the role of our various parts or selves? How might each of these selves ‘show up’ during reinvention?
Brian: First, I would be curious about that part that wants to accelerate and go faster and what that is driving that. It is possible to reinvent with more spaciousness by doing the work that I have described without an agenda. If acceleration is the goal, we can get into trouble. I am a big believer in having a personal vision – our big why. Once we have that GPS coordinate which is about something bigger than us as individuals, we can see what truly brings us alive, to quote the great Howard Thurman – and the real work begins.
Guthrie: It’s already being accelerated – it’s beyond us – we are in an accelerating world. Reporters are focused on certain events, not as much on the bigger picture of where are situated in place and time. We had approximately 1,000 people in the IFS Self-leadership class – I view that as a statistic of optimism. If people can get a taste of Self, their life begins to change.
Brian and Guthrie’s insights help us understand that we are all equipped with a deep knowing about what is possible in our lives – and how we can begin to design, build and live a life in that direction. A life that is connected to a larger purpose. At the same time, we all have accumulated “parts” that appear to be impeding our progress or holding us back from moving towards it, however, a key tenant of IFS is that there are “no bad parts”. This understanding enables us to become curious about those parts and their intentions. Once those parts are treated with compassion, an expansiveness becomes available that enables us to truly let Self lead and to say yes to that which brings us alive.
If you have not completed it yet, I encourage you to complete the exercise from Part 1 of this two part series and map your “parts” related to an important goal. Once you have mapped the parts, choose one part towards which you feel some curiosity and compassion. If you can, check in with your body and see if you can feel that part in or around your body. Where is it? Take a moment to feel it. Describe the part. With curiosity and compassion, ask that part what it needs from you. Ask it what advice does it have for you. Ask it if it has anything else to share. This simple yet often deeply moving exercise will begin the process of aligning your parts in service of your important goal. The more you align your parts in service of that which is important and meaningful to you, the more you will align with the life you are here to build and live.